Friday, 8 August 2014

Soap and Glory 'Thick and Fast' HD Mascara: Review

I bring this post to you, ladies, (and gents) from a dark, dark place...

I'm sat typing this in 'Sweaty Mess Mode'.
I don't need a wee right now, therefore a shower is just not good enough a reason for me to remove my aching backside from the sofa, and attempt the journey to the bathroom.
My nails have the remains of what used to be orange nail polish on them, chipped to within an inch of their short lives. 
Short due to the excessive snapping they've endured recently, without even the smallest attempt by myself to salvage the remains and file them into any form of neat shape.
Nail polish remover is a myth to me.
My lashes have been without mascara for over two weeks - partially owed to the fact I have lash extensions on, (yeah bwoiii, review coming soon*) and partly due to the amount of sweat which has poured down my face of late, washing away almost all traces of anything which could have been deemed to make me look human.


To add to this, on my eyelids is what remains of my most treasured eyeshadow colours; all three of my day-to-day, (and night, I won't lie) MAC eyeshadows have reached the end of their lives.
Poor 'All That Glitters' was the first to go, all that remains in its little pan is a few small specks of pink-toned sparkle, literally just the glitter that gave it its name.
'Soba' and 'Naked Lunch' are clinging on to the edges of their silver abode for dear life, fearful of my eyeshadow brush.
Any day soon they'll be joining poor 'All That Glitters' in 'ahhh sheeeet we've crumbled' heaven.

Basically, in my blogging absence, I have become some sort of monster, neglecting not only this little space of goodness which I genuinely love so much, but also myself.
(Alongside gallivanting off to Poland, a few weddings, and, well...the gym.) 
In fact the only item of make-up which I have purchased in the last six weeks is a replacement mascara, and actually pretty much the only mascara I've used in the entirety of 2014, therefore the only item I'm able to review right now.

I'm not a beauty blogger.
I'm a mess.

Appalling brush picture. Nice rocks mum, just what I always wanted.

Well...actually, no, don't give up on me, not just yet.
I like doing this too much.
Give me a wee few minutes of non-rambliness to explain my real reason for this post:
Soap and Glory's 'Thick and Fast' mascara, the high definition version...

Yeahh, see?
I can include proper stuff you know!

Basically, recently a few months ago, I was reading laaaats of blog posts from laaaats of lovely bloggers, and one brand just kept on popping up.
That brand, was 'Soap and Glory', and shamefully, I'd never used anything at all by them.

I decided this had to change, and therefore my advantage points took a beating (bare skint yo) in favour of my need for a new mascara which cost marginally more than I'd usually care to pay... £10.50 (for 10ml) - only justifiable 'cos people a.) seemed to like it, and b.) the packaging is really pretty and eye catching and I like TOTTTTES 'get' their sense of humour. 
It's like I know them.
No, seriously though, the packaging is GORRRRGEOUS.
Who doesn't love having a good golden shiny cylinder depositing black goo on their eyelashes?
I actually mean it.

Amusing box and nice tube aside, we all know it's whats inside that counts, and it doesn't disappoint!

First up, le brush.
The brush is unique; I mean, no, it's not. It's still a black bristly thing on the end of a plastic stick, but it's like, missing a bit!
(Actually, it claims to be seven-sided, but I can defo only count like one round bit that randomly stops in the middle.)
It's as though Jesus himself has parted the bristles, sea style, to reveal a little mascara application trick which appeals to my unsteady hand in a massive way. Basically there is a V-shaped ridge disturbing the usual round shape of the bristles, which wouldn't photograph nearly well enough on my phone to show you.
 A quick google search tells me you other nifty bloggers out there with much better cameras still didn't fare massively well here, I couldn't quite find/nab a photo which quite demo'ed it well enough.
Got high standards me, you know.

 I also now see how poor my pictures actually are, damn.

Anyways, in summary the brush kicks ass. 
I use the edge of the V-groove to do my bottom lashes, and it goes on a dream. 

Product wise, this mascara genuinely has one of THE best consistencies I have ever come across; it's not too thick or runny, too gloopy, too wet, too dry, it doesn't clump, it doesn't flake, it stays put all day, it volumises, lengthens, builds, defines, intensifies - the lot!
I can confirm that those little legends who wrote this stuff on't box didn't lie. 
Serious, they even disclosed using lash inserts on their images.
It does all those things, and I love it!

The secret? 
Must be that I don't fancy it in my lips or owt bizarre like that, but on my lashes GOOD GOD GIVE ME MOREEE!

Also, colour wise, I purchased the shade 'Film Noir' which my B in GCSE French tells me means it's black.
My eyes can also confirm that it is black.
Don't get how it relates to a film, but whatev's...

To summarise, I love this, and while wearing my lash extensions I've actually somewhat missed the pleasure that this was to apply every day (apart from on watering eye days snm).
I also feel pretty happy that I've now done my first blog post in more weeks than I care to count!

Oh sweet blogging niggle at the back of my minf, how I've missed shutting you up...

That aside, I'm still sat here in 'Sweaty Mess Mode', still avoiding both the bathroom, and the nail polish remover.
I'm also slightly tired, and the furry cushion next to me is starting to look like an inviting place for my head to rest...

Oh gosh...and there it is.
It begins; I've said it, I want the fur.
I'm afraid this could potentially be stage one of my ever looming 'cat lady' status; I even thought a dog was cute last week and voluntarily stroked it.
This is unusual.

It's like they know.
They're subconsciously hooking their claws into my psyche and making me like them.
Give it a year and I'll have my first kitten.
Give it ten and I'll love my growing collection more than people.

Give it thirty and I'll be blogging, about my favourite kitty-wear, and which feline adorned cups and saucers I've added to my lust list.

Somebody** help me...

P.S A Sheba advert just came on the telly and I actually paid attention. 
Feel like it's a sign and I should stock up.

*not too soon, this is me we're talking about.
**Who isn't offended by my ragged appearance and/or smell.
(Also preferably male, single, and not a weirdo. Thanks.)

Sunday, 29 June 2014

The 'So I'm Never Going to be Nicole Scherzinger But a Girl's Gotta Try' OOTD.

"I saw Nicole Scherzinger wearing nude Zara heels.
So I wore nude Zara heels."

How FIT does she look here?
What an actual babe.
I mean, if Lewis won't put a ring on it then MY GOD get me some Haribo rings and I'll make her mine in a short second.
Haribo, diamonds, mehh, same thing.
But one allows food houmous to still be budgeted for and bought.
Nicole loves it.
She told me.*
We will share some and life will be good.

Guess what?
I have her shoes on.

Her actual shoes.
Those EXACT ones.
Literally, straight from her feet, and on to my own. Still warm.**

In all seriousness though, my Daily Mail online showbiz section stalking reached new high's last month, on the apparition of the nude heels related article
It did appear, there and then, that I shamefully gained a new foot fetish, and the amount of time spent staring at the two odd five-pronged objects at the bottom of her legs, (evolution is weird) was about as healthy as my former half-jar-of-peanut-butter-on-Ryvitas-in-microwave-obsession. 

Over the next few days I spoke so frequently about my new obsession, which we shall entitle 'Shoesies: The Second Coming', (read part one here) that I even got my friends going - sending me even more fuellage in the form of an article showing Lucy Mecklenburgh hitting it first, Ray J style also donning said Shoesies.
That was it.
Enough was enough.
Screw everything.
Screw my budget.
Screw food buying.
Screw houmous. (yes, that bad)***

On to the Zara website I went...£29.99 and some pretty impressive and unexpected bank holiday delivery later, (they clearly heard my plight and wanted to shut me up before the police arrested me for website stalking) and the rest, was history.

And look...if you're a size three, (hey don't give me that look, it ain't my fault!) - you can still get hold of them, and for even less...
£19.99 baby!
You lucky small footed beings, you!

*Not strictly true but whatev's.
**Definitely not true.
*** Just plain #lies. As if I'd ever abandon houmous, ha.

What I wore:

Jumpsuit: Minnie's (Lindley, Huddersfield) £24.99 
Shoesies The Second: Zara (originally) £29.99
Belt: Old.
Necklace: New Look 
Earrings: Primark

Okay, so in another moment of houmous disregarding madness - I went on a small shopping trip, resulting in me buying cute house stuff for my non-existent future abode, (Hudds peeps - if you haven't visited 'Snug' in Lindley, don't - unless you want no money left and a large dose of house envy, snm)  and a rather nice jumpsuit, which believe it or not wasn't meant to be in the style of good old Scherzy, but I shall take the similarity willingly...ahem.

My gorgeous black and nude patterned jumpsuit was the nail in the coffin of a houmous free week, (still lying, lol) but my god it was worth it!
£24.99 really isn't bad for something so versatile and wearable.
In the small space of ten minutes I picked up what is already my favourite outfit of the Summer so far, and the outfit my mum has had to practically prise off my back before it started to smell of something other than the dregs of my remaining perfume. 
No, seriously, I used up the last of my Chloe last weekend while wearing this - I can still faintly smell it...therefore may never wash it again.
I loveeee the nude/beige print and my gawddd does it go with my heels! The skinny-ish straps are like tooootes in fashion right now, and the cut means any food baba's are hidden fully away - YEAHHHH MAN!!
The only thing is I added a small brown and very tatty belt where the elastic is at the waist, just to add a little extra something. :)
This jumpsuit was my debut purchase from the gorgeous, (and so cutely named!) Minnie's, a ladies fashion boutique which I'd heard about from several friends, but shamefully had never been to. Safe to say I'll almost definitely be returning, almost definitely soon... 

Ah here we go again; the unfortunate 'hand in hair which unintentionally looks like a phone' pose.
God I look smug, anyone would think I was on't phone to Lewis Hamilton.
Maybe I am...oooh ;)

Now looks like I dropped said phone.
If this was real life my screen would no doubt smash and I wouldn't look nearly as calm.

Now I have the jumpsuit, and I have the shoes...
All I need now is to master the art of walking so gracefully in said shoes, without either an expression of pain, or wanting to chop my feet off.
I will wear them next month for a wedding if it kills me!

Talking of, when is Lewis gonna upstage me and present Scherzy with the diamonds she deserves?
Seriously, don't make me buy those Haribo...
Screw it.

If Lewis won't wife her then maybe he will wife me? I FRICKIN WILL! 
I'm here Nicole, I'm here...

Oh Nicky -
It would be beautiful.
We can be shoe buddies for life.
What's mine is yours and all that...
...maybe I could share your entire shoe wardrobe?!
ORRRR - maybe I could borrow your hairdresser too and therefore cure my own hair envy.
I'll even use Herbal Essences for you.
Cheers babes.

(Nicole: If you read this, promise I'm not a massive stalker. You just have nice hair. And shoes.)

Sunday, 15 June 2014

Le Naked 3 Palette.

It happened again.

Last August I posted about a small miracle; the type of miracle that meant good old Hay-Zeus could turn water into wine, (the alki) and that allowed Dynamo to walk on't Thames in the style of said good old Hay-Zeus, neither getting soaked, nor contracting Typhoid or some other equally hideous waterborne disease.

No seriously though, how?

This miracle was bigger than that.
Any of that.
Bigger than the pizza I ate last week.
Bigger than my growing collection of cheap, gold necklaces from eBay.
Jesus eat your heart out man - forget his miracles, this is so much more...

I got my little MAC 'Woodwinked' eyeshadow and boy was I over the moon - see I don't win stuff, me;
I once won an art competition with no prize, and a running race where there was only myself and one other girl.
I've been entering the Daybreak/Good Morning Britain/Whatever competition weekly for like four years now, (unless the prize is a motorhome, I ain't about that life) and have won naff all.
To actually win something once for me is just beyond comprehension.

To win again?
No way.
I'm not sure what awesomeness I must have done in a past life to deserve such an honour, but the day that Stacey's little tweet arrived in my feed was, well...a good day.
In fact I squealed quite loudly, almost deafening a non-make up wearing friend of mine, who then had to sit through my endless descriptions of rosy shades and why a piece of metal with a few coloured powders in, is indeed so special.
It totally is, right?

See...I had won *drumroll* the extremely beautiful Urban Decay 'Naked 3' palette, and my gawdddd it is gorgeous.

So believe it or not I'm actually gonna get on with this.
I'm saying this now, but you know me...

First off let's address the amazing prettiness going on in that there pink packaging.
It shines.
It's pink.
It has this cool embossed design thing going on which looks particularly awesome and nice on my shelf, and it shines just so nicely in the sun like it did on the day I took my photo's yurrr...
Photography extraordinaire I will be yo!
iPhone crew.
Also, it's sturdy, like I am in no doubt that I could drop it and both it and it's contents would remain in-tact...
I won't be testing this purposely, but more than likely one day soon I will be able to confirm or deny this.
Next up, you open the palette, and you're greeted with the familiar mahoosive mirror, present in its predecessor, (we like, yes?) and the double ended synthetic shadow brush which is good, but like, I almost never use...
Just me?
Once you get past the hardware, it's on to the good stuff - the software, and the real reason you go 'ooooooh' on opening this palette.

Now, at first glance this palette terrified me. 
I mean, I always believed the notion that any form of pink near my eyes would make my look like I'd had an emotional day, a run in with some onions, or some form of infection...
It was not lust at first sight shall we say...
But a few months, (and lots of blog post reading) down the line, I was both in love and convinced that the rose tones hues of the Naked 3 were right for me!
See a lot of the shades are pink toned, (ranging from warm-cool, light-dark) but not scary at all - there's no Barbie and definitely no conjunctivitis-like colours present.
We're all good...

Strange: an off white, slightly pink toned matte shade, perfect if you like a matte highlight.
Dust: metallic pale pink glitter shade - one of my favourites for across the lid, but falls out all over!
Burnout: a light satin peachy-pink shade, lovely across the lid.
Limit: A dusky but pale pink matte shade, perfect if you want a subtly defined crease...I prefer the darker 'Nooner', but then I like my eye drama.

Buzz: A true rose pink glitter shade - again beware of fall-out, but it's gorgeous!
Trick: another glitter but this time a peachy-copper tone, I LOVE this one. 
Nooner: Darker than 'Limit'- my favourite to darken out the crease, a buildable, pink-brown matte shade.
Liar: The first of the darker shades; a deep rose gold satin/glitter.

Factory: A warm brown satin shade with small glitter particles.
Mugshot: a satin taupe shade with a cool, frosted finish.
Darkside: Another satin but much deeper - almost purple hued, again with a slightly frosted finish.
Blackheart: An odd one - like a matte black but with tiny flecks of glitter? Red glitter though...ooooh pretty.

Lid: 'Buzz'. Crease/lower lashline: 'Nooner'. Inner crease: 'Factory'
Inner corner: MAC MSF 'Soft and Gentle'.
Oh and one more thing: 
This palette comes with four sample sized primers, (Original, Eden, Sin, and Anti-Ageing) and for god's sake USE THEM!
The picture below shows the shade 'Dust' both with and without primer, I'll be honest and brutal when I say that without primer 'Dust' literally becomes dust and umm...dusts off.
Oh and without primer your cheeks will become glitter balls 'cos I'm telling ya that stuff wants to escape down your face like some sort of shiny rebel, and it WILL...

You know those times you can see a speck of glitter on your cheek out the corner of your eye but just can't quite find it?
For three days?
No matter how much you scrub your face?
Yes. This.

I ain't about having chunky pink glitter on my cheeks man, what are we now - eight?
Glitter make-up died with the cancellation of my once beloved 'Sabrina the Teenage Witch' magazine subscription.
...and my hot pink Barry M Dazzle Dust phase.

Don't do it kids.

(l) 'Dust' without primer, (r) 'Dust' with primer.
Snm.'s safe to say I'm enjoying my beautiful Naked 3 experience, and I have to say to any doubters out there - the pink is neutral enough to work!
Uh-huh no conjunctivitis looking eyes on my face peeps - Urban Decay this must have been no mean feat, but you done good! 
A pink toned palette that will genuinely suit all skin types and tones is something of a mission impossible - and when it's this pretty?
Ain't no-one gonna turn it down.

Oooh didn't I do well there?
Slyly high five-ing myself for my own sheer strength and ability to shut my cake hole.
Kind of.

To summarise:
1. Wear primer.
2. The Daybreak/Good Morning Britain competition still eludes me.
3. Dynamo clearly is Jesus.

...And I have pretty Rose Gold tones on my eyes maynnn!!

Thank you Stacey doll, I'm one lucky girl. 
Love you lots <3 xxx

Saturday, 31 May 2014

OOTD: The River Island Trousers

You guys.
If each day had a theme tune, then today's would be,
 Ultrabeat's 'Feeling Fine'(meh)
 Flo Rida's 'Good Feeling'(definitely not) 
Nina Simone's 'I'm Feeling Good'.
Summat like that...

You get the picture.

See today, I'm feeling good.
More than good.
I'm typing this on my newly restored laptop while Willow Smith-ing and whipping my newly rescued locks back and forth while typing like a multitaskable mo'fo.

Yes. That good.

During the last week, I have been ΓΌber constructive; I've done more gym sessions that I'd like to admit for fear of being sectioned, I have a new and rather spectacular phone, and I've regained my ailing typing skills in exceedingly quick time, no longer bashing the keys like a Tyrannosaurus Rex wondering how the hell it survived that asteroid, though unfortunately without evolving digits mini enough to type, therefore extinct-ing itself once more in the ultimate 'hand-over-face' moment.
It's 2014 maynn - we use techonogehhh.

Oh, and I have good eyebrows again.

What I wore:
Trousers - River Island £30
Crop Top - Karma Clothing £5 (similar here in white)
Necklace - H&M £7.99
Massive Gold Hoops - H&M £3.99 (?)
Lipstick - MAC 'Lady Danger' £15...because I seemingly don't own owt else.

So on the day these photo's were taken, things were slightly umm...different shall we say.
These now feel like pictures of a slightly broken alien, who's phone was failing her, who's laptop refused to upload said photos due to extensive slowness, fullness, and general old age, and who's hair and eyebrows looked so inexplicable, the only description available is a slow, sad shaking of the head.
Bad times.
If only you could see up close and clearer, you'd see the legs sprouting on my stationary over-eye caterpillars, and the unwanted colour gradation in my barnet.
Never in my life have I wanted long black streaks with oddly washed out gingery roots.
'Chocolate Brown' pssssht.


Even the weather had it in for me:
Torrential rain + hairspray + backcombing = might as well just shave it off Holl.

Those were tough times.

I did however, have an absolutely fantastic day with some rather amazing ladies in Leeds, eating food which can only be described as 'bare peng', and laughing more than I have in a while.
The bonus being that the rain actually stopped, right before I gave in to a new career in 'Ark Construction', meaning my Summery trousers weren't honestly too bad-a-choice!

Seriously though, how nice are these trousers?
It was one of those 'I could just walk out of the shop now, £30 richer, but have these on my mind until the end of time they're out of stock and beyond, and therefore live a life of regret...or I could just buy them.' moments.

I can't think of anything better I could have done with my £30.
Moroccan Spice Houmous is only £1 at ASDA, therefore my ability to purchase it hasn't been greatly affected, and life as we know it may continue...

Also, the orangey flowers on said trousers totes match my 'Lady Danger' lipstick.
...I'm sure you'll agree no further justification is necessary.

So ladies and gents, this week has been a series of life lessons on my part, all extremely important of course...

1. Home dyes lie.
2. Get your eyebrows done, phobia of caterpillars or otherwise.

oh, and most importantly...*

4. Even when your backcombing/hairspray has been rained into a matted paste - don't shave it, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!

Now that has been established, let's dance:

*I lied, just like the #lies L'Oreal dyes spread to us.
 We all know the most important life lesson is to buy houmous, always buy houmous.

Saturday, 24 May 2014

Revlon Nail Enamel: The Most Summery Nails EVER!

The embarrassing moment where you realise you're out of practise and you're typing like your dad.
Seriously, it's bad.


It's okay you guys...
Don't have a panic attack on me.

Deep breaths.

It is me, I'm here, I'm back, and I'm BLOGGINGGGGGGGGGGGG!!

Honestly, if I liked champers I'd crack open a bottle this very second, but instead I think no further time shall be wasted, and I'll instead focus on the unfamiliar task of typing.

It's like my fingers have seized up somewhat.
I've regressed back to the level of the previous generation, where after ten years of computer ownage I may just have progressed from 'single-index-finger-key-jabbing' to the only slightly less painful 'double-index-finger-key-jabbing'.

I witness an example of this daily you guys.
My poor Dad.
Usually I find it mildly amusing, but
I'm feeling his frustration.
Karma has hunted me down and it's kicking my ass stripping me of my Level 3 in Key Skills ICT.
Badboy qualification that one.
So useful. 

Despite finding time to blog right now, I can't promise that this post will be with you by Christmas.
I'll still be trying to find the 'publish' button.

If I've even finished typing.

Something else which has evaded me recently is nail polish!
These pictures were taken weeks ago - in which time I've had... *you'll need those deep breaths again* bare nails.

I am fully dreading attempting a serious nail painting afternoon.
If I can no longer type, just imagine the outcome of nail painting!

Snm again.

The last time I had a full on decent nail painting session though...oh my my they were goooood!!
See I was feeling Summery, and the weather was agreeing.
Oh and Revlon stuff was on offer, meaning only one thing...
Two of their Nail Enamel's in 'One Perfect Coral' and 'Gold Goddess' were coming home avec moi.

Seriously, the colours are so nice I'd blumin' drink them!
Forget champers.

First up is 'One Perfect Coral', and those crazy nail polish namers were ON IT with that one I tell ya.
'Cos they're not wrong.
It literally is the most vibrant and perfect coral-red, almost luminous, but without being offensive on the old irises. OH aaaand...and ladies, (cheeky gents, or otherwise) guess what?
Yesssss, this colour has the ability to make you look sunkissed even if you didn't manage to sit out in't garden last Saturday! And y'all know you want that.
I mean, when these pictures were taken, the amount of sun rays I'd seen since last Summer totalled zero, and yet my hands were looking almost healthy!! 
Even when I wasn't using a white door as a background that is...

I adore the second shade 'Gold Goddess' as a colour too; for a glitter shade it's pretty unique! The gold pieces are a little larger and more irregular in shape than your average, and the gold is a little darker than your average too - more like the sun at sunset than in the day.

Colours aside, the consistency is gorgeous too, it's relatively thick, so one coat gives enough opacity to be easily passable, and two coats give you an almost gel effect! I don't think that was intentional; it's not advertised as a gel effect like so many are right now, but it's a pretty good bonus, right?
Being a bit thicker, you'd think it would take a while to dry, and while it was longer than some, I've had worse...just don't go to bed too quickly afterwards - PPN (Pillow Print Nails) risk and all that...
Longevity-wise they're little goodies! I've spent too much of my time risking wrinkles, frowning at my nails which seemingly reject polish, and therefore chip within a day.
Ain't nobody got time fo' dat.
But these? Nope.
No problems here, my nails stayed chip free for around three days, which included lots of washing up, working out, and well...working.
I don't even remember the glitter being too hideous to remove, although having only used a small amount of it on an accent nail, I'm probably not able to fully judge it.
This will be rectified in my next nail painting sesh I tell you now ;)

Brush wise, mehh...I'm neither here nor there on it, I personally prefer them a little thicker, but the consistency of the polish means it still goes on relatively well, without too many 'incidents'.
As for the packaging, well if it ain't the classiest and most gorgeous bottle I've ever laid eyes on?
Who knew you could purchase such lovelieness for £6.49?
*Need to chill the hyperbole right here, it's just a bottle!*
It's tall, elegant, and it's got that little gold stripe around that gets my inner magpie going.
Basically, it looks good on my nail polish shelf.

And yes that is a real addition to my bedroom.

Oh my gawsshhhh and I am DONE!
That 'Publish' button has escaped my life much like the 'on' button of the laptop has escaped my dads for much of the last ten years.
Don't get me started on his Facebook literacy, we've almost mastered the art of logging in unaided, although he often needs prompting to add punctuation, and well we're still getting over the fact that he doesn't need to like EVERYTHING.

Dad, really...that dog really hasn't yet died because you didn't like the photo.
A bit like how liking a picture of beer won't make one magically appear in the fridge, only my mum can do that after an ASDA trip.

At least if my little bloggy had a page on there, it would have a 'like'.
And you thought my mum (and most avid reader) was bad?


In other news, I've located the 'Publish' button.

Monday, 21 April 2014

OOTD: The Questionably Printed Dress.

Now, I know what you're thinking you guys...
'That's an ermmm, interesting print you've got on that dress of yours there, Holly, did you ermm, visit Amsterdam recently and decide on a new way of life?'

No, I did not.

It's just a nice dress.
I like it.
The colours are flattering, and they'll look good with a tan.


What I wore:

Beloved Shoesies: Zara £29.99 (old)
Necklace: eBay £1.15

I blame those sneaky little swines at Motel Rocks though, they knowww they got it.
They know when I'm stalking their website, adding this dress to my basket, (several times over the space of like a year or something) and leaving it in there - they email me to remind me, almost rubbing my excessive skintness in my face, reminding me that this dress is indeed an extortionate £32, and there ain't no way in the abode of Hades they're ever gonna sale section it...

Just cruel.

But screw it, this month something extremely strange has occurred, and I was granted the gift of 'left-over-money', to do with whatever I pleased...
A dangerous occurrence I tell you.

Naturally, into my Motel basket I popped it - again, before clicking the red 'X' - again, sparking yet more sneakily enticing emails...
'You still have items in your basket Miss Gardiner, the questionably printed dress you've had your eyes on for endless time, it's stock, in your size, it's pretty, it's devine, you must buy it, it must be yours, before it's too late...'
Okay the email might not go exacccctly like that, but you get me. 
I'm sure at Motel HQ, they were sat staring in suspense at their screens, in a 'will she/won't she?' moment, all gathering to await the moment my will finally crumbled...

Night after night I stared at the price tag, hoping I could somehow gain the powers of my childhood hero, Matilda, and magically sale section its ass, making me feel just slightly less naughty.
I ain't used to this spending shiz.
It's naughty.
Like the questionable DEFINITE PALM PRINT covering the item of my desire.

Then it happened.

*cue music*
(I'd prefer it if you started it from 1 min 11 seconds, but I know even asking you to click 'play' is a bit much...)


I clicked 'checkout and pay' or whatever it is, and blumin' got me my long time loved questionably printed dress!
I even found a sneaky discount code 'cos I'm a cheapskate sly mo'fo', and really, £32 for such a minute piece of material really is a bit much for a girl more used to rationing raisins for her tea.
Just sayin'.

This appears to be a fascinating and somewhat hilarious phone conversation...I wonder who with?
Justin Timberlake? Will Smith?
The lady never tells ;)
You dare to interrupt?

Look how coy I am ;) not telling you which immensely handsome famous Mr. I was arranging a date with.

Anyhoo, off I went for cocktails in Leeds, complete with my shoesies, (lies, I wore them for photographic purposes only, can't walk in 'em) and my beloved and eagerly awaited questionably printed dress!

Just to confirm, I do not advocate or take part in the consumption, inhalation, or otherwise of such products which appear to be advertised on my dress.
It's merely a pretty dress with nice colours and I wanted it.


Saturday, 19 April 2014

L'Oreal Miss Manga Mascara: Mega Volume or Mega Disappointment? Review.

I ain't beating around the bush here.
My title maybe alluring, drawing you in ready for the 'is it?'/'is it not?' verdict, but I just can't even mince my words right now.
In fact, I feel so strongly here that I'MA BOLD AND UNDERLINE THIS FOR Y'ALL.
Mega disappointment.

I could probably leave my blog post right there on that singular statement, given that it expresses all that I have to say on this, however it is me writing this, and therefore a huge and rambly rant is necessary.

Oh sweet typing, how I've missed you.

It all began about two months ago, when I unwittingly found myself completely devoid of mascara, unable to scrape a single sweep more out of my tube, and without a replacement.
I know, I know, I mean whuuuuuut? 
A blogger without mascara?!

I have no excuses and clearly deserved all I got.

This sad realisation lead me to only one mum's make-up bag, and the place where she'd just bought a brand new and extremely shiny, (me + shiny things = try and stop mehhh) mascara, which would you know it - just HAPPENED to be a new release from my old mascara love, L'Oreal...
Huge coincidence, I swear.

Now, in the short few days I used L'Oreal's 'Miss Manga' mascara for, I decided that mehhhh, it was okay, nowt spesh, and definitely wouldn't have been a potential repurchase had it actually been my own mascara, but as with all brand new mascaras, you might as well rule out the first week or so anyway.
The benefit of the doubt was given, and a new mascara of my own purchased.
Miss Manga, so I thought, was never to darken these lashes of mine again...

Until, well, about six weeks later.
And here, ladies, (and you sneaky gents) is where the real story begins.
See it appears I didn't learn from my mistake, and I'd continued to use my mascara, knowing that the 'number of coats applied' to 'amount of product actually appearing' ratio was becoming more skew-whiff as each day passed, and my mascara was once again, indeed, deaded.
Aaaaand once again, I was without a replacement.
Scanning the area for a good brick wall for this head of mine as I type...seriously.

Back to my madre's bag of make-up I turned, and once again to a young Miss of the Manga variety, now slightly less new and liquid-y, in the hope that she'd be a little kinder to me in my hour six days of need...
Especially given that I was now risking conjunctivitis or something equally hideous and bare-eyes inducing, for both me and my poor mother.

She wasn't.

First of all, Miss Manga, darling - if I'd wanted flat eyelashes, I wouldn't have spent ten minutes blumin' curling them?!
I wish that was an exaggeration.
*hides face in shame*
I mean gawddd I forgave you in those early days where you were all runny and shiz, but you're six weeks old now, whyyyy, when I apply you, do my eyelashes suddenly want to flop and fall flatter than umm, a really flat thing (no, a pancake is not flat enough!)! 

Okay I'm ready.
WHY, Miss Manga, do you seem to think I only wish to have three eyelashes?
Why are you sticking them together in gigantic spidery clumps?
That ain't the definition of 'Mega Volume' gurl!
If you say you're gonna give me some much needed volume - do it the proper way and thicken up my damn lashes, don't be a fraudster and just stick my existing ones together claiming volume.
Ain't nobody got time for using toothpicks to separate them, especially not when you've just had to go against your strongest of morals and re-curl your lashes AFTER applying mascara. 
Serious, I almost had no time to check twitter while eating breakfast.
kmt again.

Miss Manga, darling, your packaging is pretty and while its pink shiny-ness does attract magpie's a la moi, (and clearly my mum) I'd get more use out of Harry Potter's flippin' phoenix feather wand, (no innuendo intended) which I do believe is straight up and down, smooth and has oh - no bristles at all, (seriously, no innuendo intended, lol) than the one you have supplied me with!
I mean, the weird rotating/bending in half thing?
Don't get it.
I've literally never ever in my life used a mascara and thought 'oh this would be so much easier if perhaps I could completely snap the wand in half'.
Also, you have to like, hold it there on the bend if you want to actually use it while in half?
I mean, if anyone out there can enlighten me then by all means do, I genuinely am intrigued, but until such reason is provided for this mysterious design, I shall just continue my rant.

Believe it or not I'm not done!
The brush is tapered and bristly as opposed to plastic, and that's all good sometimes, but in this case I find it all just a bit fiddly!
Now I love a good 'small end' as much as the next girl who struggles to reach the inner corners, but there is just such a large size contrast in this case, that the fat end is full of gloop, and middle bottom lashes are, well, hard work!
The actual design of the brush is a bit all over the place too, alongside being tapered, there's a kind of subtle twist effect running through it, but like, it's only kind of there? I don't know if it's just my eyes seeing it even, so it can't surely be a's just a bit, well, odd, as though two people with differing brush design ideas tried to reach a compromise and sort of just half did it.

As with the rest, I just don't know!

Lastability wise, Madame Manga, I'll give you this, you don't flake, and you have survived my ultimate mascara test - the spin class - unscathed, *mild applause* a feat 'The Falsies' didn't manage to accomplish!

Any more positives?
It's black, proper black*, not that naff grey type.
*Although you can also buy it in turquoise and purple, if that's your thaaang.

Think that's it.

So it has been decided...
Miss Manga was clearly a dodgy car sales(wo)man in a past life, making false claims for 'bargain' prices.
(It's £8.99 here but I'm pretty sure my mum bought it on an introductory offer.)

L'Oreal I normally adore your mascaras like no other, but this one, it's safe to say I'm just not feeling...

Lesson learned:
Don't share mascara guys. You will get an eye infection be disappointed, and die.*
Also, don't let your mascara run out and have to borrow your might be this one!

*not strictly true.